Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
