i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would fuck him just for his dog
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
