life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
