she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
