So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
