You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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