Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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