Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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