So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
