Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
