I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
