Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
