Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
