Nicole vs. Life
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
