Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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