the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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