She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
