Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
