tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
