You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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