I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
