gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I love you.
Bad choice
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
