I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he thought i was a dude.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
