bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
