i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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