I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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