thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
