Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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