I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are a genius and a whore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
