I just saw a hot homeless man
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
