dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
