Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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