Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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