my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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