East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
