??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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