we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
