i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
