I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize