I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
