First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
