I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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