he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
