As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
