Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
