dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
