At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize