you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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