she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
