is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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