apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
