Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
