those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize