"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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