Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize