we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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