there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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