Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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