Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
