and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im holly from the hills drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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