Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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