nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
