considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
