why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize