Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
