Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
