My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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