oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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