If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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