he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
