Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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