The maid of honor just puked.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
