Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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