First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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