ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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