is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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