I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
