If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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