Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Four minutes until I can fart!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
