a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
