I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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