I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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