yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
