I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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