Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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