i already hear my dad disowning me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This toilet bowl is my home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
