I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
