so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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