everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
